“Why am I so tired?!” I think to myself, as I then try to categorically determine what I have done in the past 24 hours, as if to justify my own experience.
Do you ever do this too? I’ve found for me it’s actually quite exhausting on its own…
I could share a lot on the both the topic of justifying my own experiences to myself like this, and on expending even more (mental) energy to reach a feigned acceptance of my own exhaustion.
Yet, I’m experimenting with a different perspective that I wanted to share, instead.
I have become more and more aware of this specific self-questioning, as I traverse my journey of healing, wholing, and conscious self-creation. I started noticing that I was asking myself this question of “why am I so tired” quite often. And I deeply wanted to reframe my experience because it didn’t feel like that question was coming from a place of self-compassion. I’m not even sure that it was coming from *ME*
Of course, I was the one who was either thinking or uttering it out loud, but I noticed when it was happening that the question felt automatic in a way. It was coming from this place of resisting, or not accepting that I’m allowed to be tired, and it was coming from a deeper, internal, likely subconscious, level.
I really didn’t enjoy this question that felt like a self-imposed demand of justification to my state of being tired. One that, for some reason, felt necessary. Especially since I may very well be needing rest for reasons that I couldn’t actually quantify.
This question, “why am I so tired”, I noticed, became more of a compulsion & expression of my exhaustion… yet, I was still feeling compelled to try and find an answer.
I’ve done a lot of learning and unlearning around the topic of rest over the last few years. I’ve unravelled a lot of programming and socialization on the subject, stories and beliefs that weren’t something I originally created in myself, but rather absorbed from the outside world. And I can honestly say that I’ve made leaps and bounds towards a much healthier relationship with rest, allowing myself space and grace for this essential part of our natural cycle. Furthermore, I’ve even come to reject the construct of “laziness” — in spite of being labelled lazy as a child. I now see “lazy” as capitalist, ableist thinking. (For more on this viewpoint, I recommend reading Tricia Hersey’s Rest is Resistance and Devon Price’s Laziness Does Not Exist)
In a group call this past Tuesday, with an intimate and trusted group of wonderful beings that are a thriving community of individuals who are “doing the work” for themselves, I shared a bit about being in my current rest cycle. I talked to my conscious understanding that this is indeed a cycle, one that I will emerge from. I shared that I even thought I was prepared to land back in this rest cycle this time, assuming that all of my intimacy building with rest would help me surrender. And how instead, this present rest cycle took me by surprise, just as much as the others, if not more than the last. Paradoxically, I felt both a resistance, along with an acceptance of feeling like I’m in this “liminal space” in life right now.
Rest seemed to become a theme for the call, as many of us were experiencing a similar state or stage within the rhythm and cycle that is life, even where the circumstances were completely different. This community is magical, and we traverse so much together, from different parts of the world, even when we don’t know it.
Later in the call, our lovely host, Dr. Val, was sharing a metaphor of how skyscrapers need a deep foundation, to allow them to be as tall as they are… and it was then that it struck me.
What if I was looking at rest all wrong?!
What if the question isn’t “why am I so tired” and then looking to the events that preceded this exhaustion for an answer. What if the answer hasn’t made itself known yet? And I don’t mean, is simply unseen and some underlying condition causing this fatigue.
Before we go further, I’m going to throw some science at you for a quick sec — hold the groans non-sciencey folks, I’ve enlisted Chat-GPT’s help to make this simpler to understand, for us all:
You know how we usually think of time as a straight line, where things happen one after another? Well, in quantum physics, things can get a bit more complicated.Quantum physics is the study of the tiniest particles in the universe, like atoms and photons (which are particles of light). In this world, scientists have found some pretty weird things. For example, particles can be in two places at the same time, or they can "teleport" from one place to another instantly.Now, here's where it gets interesting. When scientists study these tiny particles, they find that time doesn't always move forward in a straight line. Sometimes, it can move backward or even sideways! This is called "quantum superposition" and "quantum entanglement."In quantum superposition, a particle can be in multiple states at once. It's only when we measure it that it "chooses" one state. This means that the particle exists in all its possible states at the same time, until we look at it. This is a bit like if you were both at home and at work at the same time, until someone checks on you.Quantum entanglement is even weirder. When two particles are entangled, they become linked. No matter how far apart they are, if something happens to one, the other one "knows" instantly. This means that information can travel faster than light, which is usually considered the fastest speed possible.These strange phenomena suggest that our usual understanding of time might be incomplete. Time might not be as straight-forward as we think. It could be that time is more like a web, where things can happen in many different orders at the same time.
With that said, I firmly hold the belief that linear time, just like laziness, is also a construct. It’s not as real as we perceive it to be.
I also believe it’s possible (probable, really) that my spirit, and/or my subconscious is more aware of what is seemingly in the future. And that these systems within me could, and can, feed pieces of this information to my body and being.
My realization and curiosity towards rest then became that is it not necessarily an “after the fact” scenario I am experiencing… but rather, just like the skyscrapers, deeply foundational. What if these moments where I’m utterly exasperated and trying to determine the WHY behind my drained state are all for not, because the answer I seek is actually in the future.
In other words, the needed rest isn’t so much because of what I’ve done in the “past”, but rather, is preparing me for what is to come in the “future”.
Chills ran through me as I considered this possibility, as they do again now, while I’m writing and revealing this to you. Something within my system, being, or held beliefs suddenly loosened. I physically felt the change. And swiftly, rest felt a bit more free to me.
With this frame, there is no more internal negotiation, determining if I’ve done “enough” to need rest. This perspective on rest shuts those voices down. And as I reflect back on this insight now, it’s actually funny how much this felt like a brand-new revelation to me, because I’ve even got a query on my phone screen, with all my apps where I manage The Unseen Realm work, that asks: “Have I rested enough to do my best work?”
Yet here we are, a forgetful species, always needing reminders of things we already know; reminders to help us battle the inner voices that want us to function more like a machine, than a part of nature. Just imagine how much we forgot, when we landed in these bodies here on Earth, from being a spirit.
With this frame in mind, let’s contemplate some natural examples of rest that could be considered along the lines of rest as a foundation:
I’m sure we’re all familiar with the fact that bears hibernate through the winter months. Well, there are actually many different species of animals that hibernate, including mammals, reptiles, and even insects. In North America alone, there are over 50 species of mammals that hibernate, including bears, bats, raccoons, and skunks. Reptiles, such as garter snakes and turtles, also hibernate. And in the insect world, there are many species of bees, beetles, and butterflies that hibernate as well. So, while it's difficult to give an exact number, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of species of animals that hibernate.
Or what about the third stage of a butterfly’s life cycle? The chrysalis.
When a caterpillar reaches full size, it will form into a “chrysalis” or “pupa.” While on the outside, it appears that nothing much is happening (just like what rest looks like from the outside)… inside, they are undergoing a transformation or “metamorphosis.” The parts we recognize as a butterfly are beginning to form. It is here, in this goo-stage, that a caterpillar will break down entirely on a cellular level, and then reorganize itself into a new form. For a monarch butterfly, this “rest cycle” (I’m using quotations here, because there is clearly a TON happening, and it is absolutely not all R&R for this creature), is approximately equal to the same length of time as it’s life up and to this point.
And one of the most exaggerated examples of this I came to be aware of is bamboo. Did you know it takes bamboo roughly 3 years to establish itself before it starts growing?! This (rest) period where on the surface it doesn’t appear like it’s doing anything, is in fact the time where it is actually building a strong foundation for some record breaking future-growth. According to Guinness World Records, some species of bamboo can grow up to almost 3 feet per day — or, 1.5 inches per hour.
So maybe we’ve got it all backwards, which, when you consider it, is easy to see how this conclusion came to be, with sleep being the “end" of our day… but really, doesn’t that sleep prepare you for the next day, as much, if not more than, it is rejuvenating you from the current day?
It feels so freeing, and exciting, to think that the rest I’m requiring now, the sleepy, weary state is actually a precursor to something on the way in this linear perception of time. And if the depth and duration of my rest cycle is any indication of the creation and output that is to come, I’m going to be stepping into some grand creations within my next creation cycle.
Maybe this turns into a whole chicken and the egg scenario in that we’ll probably never really be sure if the rest or the creation comes first; yet my inner knowing is pleased and delighted with this re-frame, nonetheless.
In “reality”, it’s probably a mix of both past events and future preparation calling us to rest. For now, I’m working on leaning into the trust that I am preparing my body + being for something magical to come; and having gratitude for the parts of me that are so artfully preparing me for this.
I invite you to try this on for yourself, and let me know how it feels in your body and system to allow yourself to hold the belief that the rest you are needing now, isn’t necessarily from what you’ve done and created thus far, but rather is preparing you to do your most loving, meaningful, and creative work yet to come.
Happy resting, magical beings. And remember, rest is not something you need to earn!
Thanks for reading The Unseen Realm! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.